The past is never over

So, lately I have been seeing some things posted on Facebook that have definitely felt like personal attacks at me.
I don't care to say by whom, or go into detail about what was said.
But lets just say that the jest of it is that I am lazy, and entitled, and don't provide for my family because I've chosen to accept state assistance to do so. Apparently this makes me less of a parent, and contributing member of society.

Anyways, I just felt that I needed to get some things off my chest regarding this. And make the very general statement of: you don't really know what you're talking about, so next time, ask first, and bitch later.

It was said by one person something close to they would rather die than feed their family with food bought on food stamps.

Here's the deal, if you knew me when I was younger, you probably still would not know this about me, so I'm going to say it now, listen up.
I grew up in a large family, a family that struggled every damn day for everything that we had, and then some. Because not only did my family struggle to provide for us, we gave to those who were also in dire situations like that too, with open hearts.
My parents REFUSED to go on government assistance when I was a kid. They HAD been on it before I was born, but decided to never go on it again.
I grew up with a huge prejudice against the government programs and those on them.
I also grew up in a family that because of this, struggled to put food on the table, didn't always have a place to live, or know when or where our next meal or place to sleep would be.
I have lived in a tent, a car, a motel, a hotel, a relatives basement, a friends RV in their driveway and so on...
I have BEEN to the bottom of the pits, I have. I have had to hide my shame of those things from family and friends my whole life.
And I am not about to make my children know that pain and suffering.
I had to swallow a huge amount of guilt and pride and suck it up and realize that if I put my kids through that same hell, then what kind of parent am I?
My parents' pride got in the way of them seeing that their kids needed them to be able to just grow up and admit they needed help.
On top of the things already mentioned, when I was 14, I got a job, at minimum wage, which then was $5.15/hour... I worked my ass off, I worked all the overtime I could legally and then some. Both during school, and summer months.
I had to help support my family at 14. With my measly pay. I really did not have a choice when you look at it. I was not stupid. My family needed things, and I had the means to provide them.
I fed and clothed my family, not on my own, but I aided my parents' in doing so. As well as paying for fuel and shelter.
All the while knowing that I would never be repaid. Which was not a concern of mine.
But the part of that which never crossed my mind then, was that all this money that I was supporting my family with at that time, was what should have been saved for now... I did not think of  "tomorrow" when "today" was what needed to be dealt with.
So yes, I made "poor" decisions that led to my having to suck it up and ask for government assistance.
I take full responsibility for that. And I am doing what I know is in my power to better myself to get off of it.
I apply for jobs on almost a daily basis that would pay me better than my current employment.
I look for ways to make extra money in whatever way I can. I do online surveys to try and earn a few bucks. I try to sell things I no longer need, I try to cut back on the things that my family buys.
I try to shop sales... Anything I can to make it work.
If I could find a way to make it work out for me to have another job, or a job with different hours, I would do it.
Especially if it payed better than what I currently have. But I have not found a way to make it work out for me.
I have 2 small children after all, and daycare around here is typically only between 6am and 6pm... and it doesn't work out. And me not getting home till 6am from a 3rd shift job doesn't work out either when I'd be unable to take care of my kids then when I got home because I'd need to sleep when they would be needing me.
SO... once again, ask questions before you bitch, and if you've got all the fucking answers, feel free to share them. I am not simply a lump on a fucking log here Friend. I am doing what I can, I just don't feel the need to broadcast every move I make to the entire world. I am not like that.
I would love to not be on the assistance, believe me I would.
And as for the entitled comment... Damn straight I'm entitled. I am entitled to the hours and shifts that I have busted my ass for at my current job. And until I have found something better, damn straight I'm going to keep those. Besides, there isn't any other shifts available for me to work at my current job anyways.

So there you have it. Yes, I am on government assistance. Yes I have put food on my table bought by food stamps, and taken my child to the doctor with the aid of state health care...
Instead of making my family go hungry, and their medical needs unattended.

And if you think that I am proud of it, or that I don't feel guilty for even so much as going to Culver's for a shake once in a while... you don't know me at all.
You also don't know then that even in the position that I am in, I still go out of my way to help those that I know need help, and to help those that will never know it was me, and to give back in any and every way I can.
I am not a person who is comfortable with being looked upon like a charity case. I am not a charity case.
I am a Mother, who will not allow her children to go through the struggles that I have done my very best to block out of my memory... and because of the way I have been treated lately I can't help but relive all that pain day after day after day... I buried that shit a long fucking time ago, and never wanted to see it again.

The past is never over, it's still there in our memories. Painful, joyful, hurtful. The past is always there.
It's how we treat those around us, those we claim to love, those we call our friends, those who don't know us at all, this is how the past helps shape our tomorrow.
By our actions today.
So, the next time that you (meaning anyone reading this) want to judge someone... how about you eat a nice big helping of some humble fucking pie instead. Try turning those beedy eyes on yourself first.